Guide

Racism, and what it costs to keep going

Everyday slights, the ones that weren’t slight, and the toll of both — including the particular exhaustion of being told the thing you experienced probably didn’t happen.

Reviewed by Albert Wong, PhDClinical psychologistLast reviewed September 2026About this site

Racism against Asian Americans occupies an odd position in American discourse: acknowledged in the abstract, frequently disputed in the particular, and complicated by a stereotype that describes the group as doing well.

The consequence is a specific additional burden — not only the incident, but the work of establishing that it was one.

What it actually looks like

The everyday register. Where are you really from. Your English is so good. Being confused with the other Asian person at work, repeatedly, by people who have known you for years. Having your name mispronounced for a decade. Comments about food.

Individually these are small and dismissible, which is the point. The research on this is reasonably clear: cumulative low-level incidents predict psychological distress in a dose-dependent way, and the dismissibility is part of the mechanism.

The professional register. The documented pattern of being over-represented in technical roles and under-represented in leadership. Being described as not having presence, or not being strategic, or lacking executive quality — terms that are difficult to contest because they’re difficult to define.

The gendered registers. Desexualisation and the assumption of passivity for men; fetishisation and the assumption of accommodation for women.

And the overt version, which rose sharply and visibly from 2020.

The second injury

This is the part that’s specific and under-discussed. Having an experience and then being told it was probably a misunderstanding, or that you’re being sensitive, or that Asian Americans don’t really face discrimination.

That doubt gets internalised. People spend enormous energy adjudicating their own experience — was that racism, am I overreacting — and the adjudication costs more than the original incident.

It happens in therapy rooms too, and it’s one of the main reasons people want a clinician who doesn’t need it explained.

Racial trauma

A recognised concept: cumulative or acute racism producing symptoms resembling trauma — hypervigilance, intrusive recollection, avoidance, a persistent sense of threat.

It isn’t in the diagnostic manual as a category, which means clinicians untrained in it frequently miss it or reframe it as generalised anxiety. That reframe isn’t neutral: treating vigilance as a distortion when the threat is real is the wrong treatment.

What actually helps

Stop adjudicating. You don’t need to establish that an incident meets an evidentiary standard before you’re allowed to have been affected by it.

Say it to someone who won’t require proof. The single most useful thing, and the reason affinity groups and community do more than most interventions here.

Distinguish the parts. What happened, what it cost, and what you want to do about it are three questions. Collapsing them produces paralysis.

Find a clinician trained in racial trauma specifically, and don’t spend your sessions educating one who isn’t. If a therapist becomes defensive, or needs reassurance, that’s information.

Keep reading

45 guides on Asian American family life, free and without an account. There is a directory of therapists here too — it is new, and growing.

General information, not clinical advice; the people and families described are composites, not real clients, and no description here speaks for every family or every culture. Listings on this site are maintained by independent practices. If you are in immediate danger, call 911; the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by call or text any time, and offers support in several languages.